I have been reading What The Dog Saw and boy, it has been great so far. 

I've read about how people are absolutely brilliant about what they do and who has really gotten my attention would be Cesar Milan aka the Dog Whisperer. He was a genius in non-verbal communication and I have great respect for that. 

And given that verbal communication only makes up a small percentage of actual communication, I am in absolute awe for people who are able to convey their messages in the way that they want, complete with the right facial expressions, tone, gestures and "energy". 

I want to be able to do that. To be able to be a "People Whisperer" and help people calm down when they are anxious. To help them to see light when they get confused. 

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I did my advanced diving course, which is something I didn't think I would do it till I have done it. I told lisa diving might not be my thing since it doesn't feel particularly exciting to me. Anyway, I do want to record my experience of feeling utterly useless, because it is an humbling lesson and experience that I want to keep with me. 

I was paired up with a very nice lady who happened to be a competitive swimmer, plays underwater hockey and have been on a few dive trips before taking her advanced course. I can only swim leisurely via breaststroke and was completely useless in finning. Learning how to dive in Hantu didn't help much because it was quite a controlled environment compared to Tioman so I was very lacking in the basic dive skills as well. 

Nonetheless, my buddy and her group (all ex-competitive swimmers) were very nice and accommodating. My buddy hand-held me in most of the dives (about 40 minutes each dive) because I couldn't control my buoyancy well and I went over all the shop. Once, she puked in the water because she got disoriented while trying to look for me (I floated to the surface and she didn't see me). Several times when the currents were too strong, she had to drag me along because I couldn't swim well. Others had to help too. Another time, I almost landed directly on a sea urchin and now I have a phobia of them. And when I thought I have mastered some form of buoyancy, I ran out of air too soon and everyone had to ascend from the dive about 15 minutes before the usual time. 

I was completely useless. To be taken care of completely by a stranger you can't repay for 2 whole days is a completely new experience to me. And it is a humbling experience for me. What do you do and how do you react when you're completely indebted? It reminded me of Professor Schwartz in Tuesday with Morrie where he has to surrender more and more of himself to care-givers around him and learnt to enjoy being taken of. 

Grace is a beautiful thing. And I hope as that I will in time be able to enjoy being taken care of, as much as taking care of people. 
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For posterity's sake: 

Kaplan, Klebanov & Sorenson (2009),
"Which CEO characteristics and abilities matter?" 

1. Attention to details 
2. Persistence
3. Efficiency
4. Analytical thoroughness
5. Ability to work long hours

Collins (2001)
"Good to great" 
"He found that many of the best CEOs were not flamboyant visionaries. They were humble, self-effacing, diligent and resolute souls who have found one thing that they were really good at  and did it over and over again ... They demanded disicipline and efficiency". 
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Hello 2012! 01/03/2012
 
I need to come back more often. There's dust everywhere.

2011 has just zipped by. To be honest, I can't remember much of it but generally, I believe it has been good. 2011 was gone with many bangs and sparks as our family sent hundred dollars' worth of fireworks into the Melaka sky. Half of me wanted to take a photo of the moment but the better half decided to just fully soak in the moment. It was beautiful and there was a smile on my face and in my heart.

As I get older and experience more of what life has to offer, I realised that we live for the moments. And it's those little moments that stitch who we are and what we represent. 

And so in 2012, I hope to live fully and be in the moment - with the people I love and exploring new frontiers. 

On a more spiritual side, I want to focus more on God this year. Yesterday, I was reading the awesome Action Bible Joce got me and this caught my attention: 

Job 42:5 
"I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You."

I have done this Christian thing for some time now and like Job, I have heard many things. But God, I want to see You in my life; in the land of the living. 

I don't know what I want to see; but I really want to see Him and to know that He is not just there. He is here with me. 
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at your life, and realised that,

it's a fluke; it's all luck and somehow God carried you through.

There were a million things that could go wrong and a billion ways that I could be misunderstood, but somehow, I'm at a good place.

I don't take that for granted, so thank You Jesus for being faithful, even when I'm not.
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Jonah and whether am I still in the whale? 

How we can organize God out of our lives. 

That it is comforting to know that we are sojourners in this strange land and the world is not our home. 

When you shut down on your emotions, you can't connect with other people.

The fight-or-flight response is very innate and very strong indeed. 

Strength might just be overrated. 

If I can't be happy, I will be thankful. 
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I'm honest in this space because I want to remember things. 

And I want to remember how happiness is a fragile thing. Sometimes, when things seem to go well and the people you care about laugh a lot, I know I'm in a good place. But a precarious place. It's like playing Jenga where the tower is at that particular point, where just one more movement will result in a total collapse. 

God, I must confess - I'm doing my best to freeze this phase of life. I'm afraid to make any other move. 
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Elections is coming and hence, we should all start thinking about the future we want to build right?

Right now, I don't see a very cheery future. According to statistics, I am a graduate earning below the median income. The implications of this is: 

1. I need to work much harder to ensure that my income and savings for retirement is at least on tandem with the rising cost of living. 

This means longer hours at work and some hours spent outside work learning how to use money to make more money. For the former, no one knows "productivity" than those who work in the corporate secretarial part of the company. Singapore employers are also very medium-outlook like the Gahmen when it comes to managing their companies and staff. They hire cheaper foreign workers to stem cost instead of diving into the root of the problem - developing the skills of Singaporean workers and overhauling systems and processes. 

However, since that is not happening, especially for the latter, I'm going to be spending longer hours at work doing often menial work. With that, my mind gets too tired to think, analyze and innovate, which is critical for my future and of course, that of our country.

2. Marriage and the cost of raising a family will be a big financial burden.

The house will be crazy. I do hope that if I get married, our combined income doesn't break the limit. This also marks the start of the debt-for-the-rest-of-my-life. And once the property market bubble bursts and recession hits, boy, it'll be a fun time 

If I do have kids, I don't know how to raise a child in such competitive times. Will I feel guilty as a mother if I can't afford to give my kids the best brain-stimulating classes or violin/piano/art/sports lessons? Tertiary education will be at a very high cost as well. 

3. I may find it very difficult to support my aging parents. 

All I can say is, thank God I have 2 other siblings. But healthcare costs will definitely be a concern and it seems that the Gahmen is not very on the ball with this. Hospital beds, treatment subsidy and quality healthcare are very much missing here.

In the past, the Gahmen told us that all the sacrifices we are making is for the economic growth and we will stand to gain from this. Our economy is growing but why is it that we are not the one enjoying the fruits of this success? 

Different ones have raised valid points about the sustainability of the Singapore economic model. The re is a need for a change and to re-look at how the country can progress together. So for this election, I want to place my vote in a way that that counts. And it saddens me that many are still going to vote for prevailing government, as a "gam-cheng" gesture i.e. in appreciation of what they have done. Yes, they have served us well in the 60s, 70s and even the 80s. But right now? It is apparent that pressing changes are needed and nothing much is done about it. The complacent attitudes of our current leaders scares me even more. Those who saddens me most are voters who can't be bothered and just choose PAP by default.

I'm a Gen-Y and I'm worried for my future. I don't want to be paying for the mistakes made by this generation of leaders and voters. So please, vote wisely this GE 2011.
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Dear God,

Help me.
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2010 in a bit 01/11/2011
 
But I hope there won't be too much dire consequences tomorrow morning for these few minutes of jotting down stuff.

2010, in a word, was eventful. I fulfilled some dreams and totally crashed at others. It was a year marked with major transitions for me. I kinda knew it and I was carrying this feeling last year this time that 2010 was going to be quite a ride. 

So 3 awesome things to thank God for in 2010:

1. My job
I did nearly go to China but I stayed here in a funny-sounding place Surbana. I thank God all the time for this job because it was exactly what I prayed for - good bosses, good jobscope and good colleagues. With this powerful trinity at work, it's really crazy good. I remembered I prayed for a certain salary and lots of leave and I got it. It was an absurd time for God to be good to me, I remembered, since I wasn't exactly at my holiest behaviour, but He is gracious so I'm not complaining. 

2. Europe Trip
I can't believe it but I did live out my dream! I still smile at the beautiful photographs we took in Athens, Mykonos, Ios, Santorini, Barcelona, Cappadocia and Istanbul. I couldn't ask for better travel-mates too. Awesome company and a whole new world to indulge in - what's NOT to like? It's just that I'm very likely to spend the next gazillion years of my life trying to save and spend on European escapades. 

3. My support group
I don't know if it's the contrast from the monotony of work, but I'm really appreciating the friends and family around me a lot more. I love my cg and they genuinely make me smile from the bottom of my heart. Shan has really bore the brunt of everything because of me and yet, not remain bitter against me. She has a giant crazy heart. My crazy SMU friends has brought me so much fun and laughter and I really do miss the 2 crazy ones in Tokyo and Doha respectively. My spiritual bosses and colleagues taught me how to manage life and work in a God's perspective. And I have my OLD FRIENDS who are always there for me. 


I ended 2010 and went into 2011 being thankful. Because I chose to focus not on my mistakes and failures, but on what God has done for me and the beautiful people/things around me. 

So thank You God for 2010. I hope that 2011 will be a better year for me. 
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He sighs at the plight of the deaf and mute man in Mk 7.

He groaned deeply and wept in the case of Lazarus in John 11.

He wept over the city of Jerusalem in Luke 19. 

The human side of Jesus brings us comfort. Because we know, He too knows pain and loss as we do. So we are never truly alone in our suffering because He has also walked down that path of grief and sorrow.  
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